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Happy cheering couple enjoying 45243640 smaller A Z Guide for a Spiritual Marriage Partnership While Raising Kids romantipedia guides family matters guide faith and spirituality romantipedia guides

ROMANTIC ACTIONS FOR YOUR SPIRITUAL MARRIAGE

Appreciation

Appreciate and acknowledge each other in front of others: your kids, family, co-workers, associates, friends both in private and in public. “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” (Mahatma Gandi)

Blame and back to basics

Be careful where you lay blame and practice being kind rather than being right. “An anxious heart weighs a man down but a kind word cheers him up” (Proverbs 12:25)  Remember what made your heart race when you first met. Was it a moonlit walk, a dance underneath the stars, or a bonfire by the beach? Take the time to recreate those carefree, sexy days. Watch the sparks fly as you sit back and relax to the tune of more simple times. Remember the delightfully excruciating sensation of unbuttoning a shirt or blouse one sweet step at a time. Move slowly and patiently, taking the evening as though it’s your first time all over again. “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.“ Take the pressure off the end goal as you find the delight in kissing the nape of her neck. Enjoy knowing you can make him melt with the tender touch of your hands upon his back. Linger at the sweet spots, the ones that you may have forgotten over time. Find the undiscovered sweet spots, and relish the delight of feeling that you know how to please your spouse in the most wonderful of ways.”

Communicate

Communicate honestly, directly, and often–even if it has to be through emails, notes, or phone messages. If you must criticize, do it lovingly. Be honest and direct with feelings and needs instead of keeping things to yourselves. Avoid placing blame on each other and will acknowledge mistakes and take responsibility accordingly. Honest and eager lines of communication will help you to sustain a strong emotional bond. “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.“ (Mother Theresa)

Difficulties

Not one of us is perfect, and every couple deals with difficulties. It is through these tough times that you can grow stronger as a duo. Pick your battles wisely. “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” (Buddha) Most importantly, decide to argue less and learn to compromise. “When you’ve chosen to look beyond the imperfections of your spouse, focusing on their goodness, you will have a happier marriage.” (Cindy Ullman)

Expectations

Relationships are complicated and come with expectations. Communicate your expectations clearly. Create time to articulate your shared relationship goals and dreams. Your goals need to be positively stated , they need to be action oriented, and break them down into small doable steps – things that you can accomplish in about a week or two. There’s nothing that breeds success like success. Give more than you expect for more satisfaction. “We must be the change we wish to see.” (Mahatma Gandhi)

Forgive and forget

Forgiving a partner who has wronged you is never easy. “If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” (Chinese proverb) It’s very hard to let the anguish and the anger go. But if you are committed to continuing to build a relationship with this person, you must find a way to make room in your heart for them once more. “The past has no power to stop you from being present now. Only your grievance about the past can do that.” (Eckhart Tolle) Granting forgiveness is a definitive act that can help lift the burden of guilt from your partner, and erase some of the anger and hurt for you. “A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers” (Robert Quillen)

Gratitude

Your mate has a deep need for you to feel appreciated. Develop an attitude of grateful thankness and appreciation. When you do this you will be view your mate with more positive eyes, lead to increased feelings of love, compassion and generosity. “Joy comes not through possession or ownership but through a wise and loving heart.” (Buddha) And, “Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart.” ( Seneca)

Happier ever after

Lighten up and be happy. As Mr. Big said in Sex in the City, “After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh.” Take time to bring laughter and play into your relationship. Learn to laugh at yourself and at life. “Every person in every marriage should wake up daily and say to themselves, ‘This is a choice. I choose to be married and happy.’ Then, choose to be proactive and not take it for granted” (Cindy Ullman)

Inspiration

Recall the positive feelings you had when you were dating and newly married. Use this when you need a zap of partner inspiration. “There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.” (Thich Nhat Hanh)

Justness

Accept your humanness. Accept your mate’s humanness. You are not judge and jury. “Trust allows you to give. Giving is abundant. As you give so it shall be given to you. If you give with judgment, limitation and stinginess, that is what you will create in your life – judgment, limitation, and stinginess.” (Gary Zukav)

Treat each other without harsh judgment. “We all make mistakes; it’s human. But when we hold fast to a grudge it eats away at our sense of peace and serenity. If you aren’t willing to forgive, you might ask yourself what habit of ego you’re attached to. Do you want to continue life with unresolved issues hanging over you?” (Freston, spiritual teacher) Be careful where you lay blame and practice being kind rather than being right. “Attachment to being right creates suffering. When you have a choice to be right, or to be kind, choose kind and watch your suffering disappear.” (Dr.Wayne Dyer)

Kiss

Kiss more. Kiss longer. Kiss meaningfully. Kiss each other all over. “Greet one another with a holy kiss.” (Romans 16:16)

Listen

Truly listen. Listen without interrupting as a way to validate each other’s perspectives on issues and to improve communication. Be curious about your mate. Ask questions that help you understand what makes them feel happy, sad, frightened, angry, puzzled, proud, sexy, etc… “I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant and kindness from the unkind. I should not be ungrateful to those teachers.” (Kahill Gibran)

Mindful attentiveness

Your life is a mirror of the dominant thoughts you think.” (Buddha) True spiritual partners strive to support one another. Notice the “little things” and acknowledge of these things as a way to keep giving each other positive strokes. “An authentically powered person lives in love. Love is the energy of the soul. Love is what heals the personality. There is nothing that cannot be healed by love. There is nothing but love.” (Gary Zukav) Be attentive to recognizing the commitment, courage, compassion, and conscious communications and actions of one another. “We tend to rush through a conversation instead of taking time to thoroughly explain things and get feedback. When we rush, our tone can be misunderstood.” (Rabbi Shmuley Boteach)

Nurture

Create opportunities to nurture your mate and your relationship.“Trust allows you to give. Giving is abundant. As you give so it shall be given to you. If you give with judgment, limitation and stinginess, that is what you will create in your life – judgment, limitation, and stinginess.” (Gary Zukav) “Marriage is not a noun; it’s a verb. Is isn’t something you get. It’s something you do. It’s the way you love your partner every day.” (Barbara De Angeles)

Opportunities

Make magic out of the ordinary with your partner. “Put your heart, mind and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.” (Swami Sivananda) Life is not meant to be just endured; it is yours to enjoy: emotional, physical, sensual, sexual, spiritual: across your inner and outer self. Find a hobby or interest you can share. Schedule time to regularly enjoy this interest together. “Think of your marriage as a fine wine. If you take good care of it it can go from good to great with with age. But if not tended properly, it can slowly turn sour and bitter.” Jeff Ullman

Partnership

Spiritual partnership and intimacy are sacred. Remember that you are in this partnership for the long term. Meditate or pray together and meditate individually for each other. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” (Serenity prayer)

Quirks

Learn the fine art of tolerance. “Humbleness, forgiveness, clarity and love are the dynamics of freedom. They are the foundations of authentic power.” (Gary Zukav) Be careful where you lay blame and practice being kind rather than being right. “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” (Carl Jung)

Renewal

Don’t allow yourself to get stuck in a rut. Re-romance. Re-ignite. Re-invigorate. Rejuvenate. Remember to make each day a new beginning. “The more we come out and do good to others, the more our hearts will be purified, and God will be in them.” (Swami Vivekananda) Pray for guidance. “Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.” (Marianne Williamson)

Sexy

Nothing is as sexy as a lover who looks and feels hot. Work on loving your unique body by taking care of it. Good self-care brings inner confidence and glow that helps get you in touch with your sexual self. “When engaging in the sexual act, begin by speaking in a manner that will draw the other to you, calm the other’s spirits, and bring joy. Thus your minds will be bound with one another, and your intentions will unite.“ (Iggeret Hakodesh 6 ) And, “Rabbi Joshua ben Levi said: “If a husband knows his wife desires him and he refuses her, this is a sin.” ( Talmud, Yevamot 62b)

Twoology

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Unplug

Unplug from electronics and technology for at least one hour/day. Scale back distractions and use the quiet moments of sacred space you have to be together. Use this time to be attentive and dialogue on a daily basis that keeps you centered on each other. Focus on your intimate relationship.

Validate

Mutual respect for your Us-ness. Share your admiration for each other, and steady undercurrent of love and trust throughout your relationship. Surprise each other with simple affirmations of your love and like for each other: flowers sent to the office, a text message, a love note in a briefcase, message on the bathroom mirror, message in their sock drawer. “In the eyes of a lover pockmarks are dimples.” (Japanese proverb) God intentionally made men and women different both inside and out and the adventure of discovering your spouse’s unique qualities and characteristics brings a great deal of joy to marriage. ”God created Eve to do what Adam could not do by Himself. That’s why God designed the marriage relationship. Husband and wife both need each other.”

Woo

Continue to Woo your mate as if you were still dating. “Love withers with predictability; its very essence is surprise and amazement. To make love a prisoner of the mundane is to take its passion and lose it forever.” (Leo Buscaglia)

X-rated

Release your inhibitions. Initiate sex more often. Share and indulge each others fantasies and desires. Turn lackadaisical lovemaking on it’s side and shake it up by moving from your traditional comfort zone by trying something different. “When engaging in the sexual act, begin by speaking in a manner that will draw the other to you, calm the other’s spirits, and bring joy. Thus your minds will be bound with one another, and your intentions will unite.” (Iggeret Hakodesh 6)

Yes

When your mate needs you always say yes. “I will betroth you to me forever: I will betroth you to me in righteousness, justice, devotion, and compassion, and I will betroth you to me in faithfulness.” (Hosea 2:21-22)

Zesty

Make a plan and a pact to ignite your love life now and in the years to come. “It is the practice of the disciples of the wise to have conjugal relations each Friday night.” (Maimonides, Hilchot Ishut 14:1) Sensual, erotic words are powerful sex toys. Use your mouth to whisper your desires to your mate. Find the words and phrases that help your mate moan and use them with passion and delight. “One who loves one’s [spouse] as one’s own person, honors the other as one’s own person… “You will know that all is well in your tent” (Job 5:24)

ONGOING

  • Meditate or pray for understanding.  Look for opportunities to embrace and love this wonderful person you married to. “An authentically powered person lives in love. Love is the energy of the soul. Love is what heals the personality. There is nothing that cannot be healed by love. There is nothing but love.” (Gary Zukav) Remember this advice, “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.“ (Mignon McLaughlin) And what Martin Luther King said, “We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.”

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