Many relationships run into trouble when one member of you becomes emotionally unavailable—not listening, opening up, sharing or trusting. If that’s your case, you both need to learn how to respond to each other’s need for a healthier emotional connection. Here’s how to start rebuilding that intimacy.
1. Make time
A common complaint among couples with troubled relationships is they don’t seem to have time for each other anymore. No matter how hard it is with— work, school, family, fill in the blank —you need to commit to spending time alone together every single day. Start with 15 minutes and work up to a half hour. Just the two of you. Talk. Touch. Sit in silence if you like. Share. This time together allows connection to take place, and that helps build intimacy.
2. Deal with it
Relationship issues can be intimacy destroyers. To restore trust, tackle problems head on when they arise. Make a time and place to talk over issues. When you ignore what’s bothering you, or hold grudges because your mate doesn’t see what’s going on, you create emotional distance. Successful couples use working on their issues as a tool for rebuilding intimacy.
3. Be your best self
Intimacy depends on honest and integrity. When you’re your own best self, you’re authentic. And that helps your mate be the same.
4. Show you care
Small daily acts of affection and appreciation are important in rebuilding intimacy. Give your mate a hug when you see they’re stressed. Be a sounding board for their bad day even (even when you’re tired). Take out the trash for a change if that’s their usual job. Share their burdens. All the little things count. Intimacy occurs when we gift each other with attention.
5. Bounce back from the setbacks
Rebuilding trust and intimacy takes time. If you hit a setback, give yourself space for peace and calm if you need to. Remember that you love your mate—and they love you—and you want the best for each other. So go back to the basics of spending time, dealing with issues, being your best self and showing that you care. Building and rebuilding intimacy is part of the life cycle of any important, long-term relationship.
6. Allow for Quiet
Sometimes, one of the most intimate actions you can take is just to be there with each other. Quietly: just reading, listening to music, or whatever gives either of you peace and comfort. You’re showing that you trust each other ‘just doing nothing.’ (Of course, part of a healthy relationship requires that you frequently do something, e.g. going out on date nights, being with other people, collaborating on family business).
7. Rekindle Sex
Reigniting the spark of sex can only bring you closer. It’s hard to feel distant when there’s touching, caressing and kissing.
Open communication, appropriate boundaries, forgiveness, acceptance, trust. Tenderness that includes expressions of caring and thoughtful touch. Agree to setting time and space to be alone, desire to rebuild trust, and flexibility–you’ll need lots of give and take in your relationship.
If you neglect “us” time you will grow apart. Calendar “us” time together as a couple in order for your relationship to flourish.
Copyright – 2013-14 – Tunomi Unlimited Incorporated (Twoology)