Joe Beam, Ph.D.
Difference between lust and love
What’s the difference between lust and love? You may remember the governor of South Carolina, Mark Sanford and how he fell in love with a woman named Maria Chapur. According to him, this was true love, she was his soul mate and this news was recorded by the Associated Press. It hit all the news, television, and radio stations.
Anyone who understands about how life works and how true love works would understand that what went on there is that he did fall in love with her. I know that some people would disagree. No, that is not love. But I say that it really is. It is a kind of love that is called limerence. Limerence is a kind of love that occurs when a person becomes so madly infatuated with another that they actually bring the other person to change their life and goals to operate differently to align their life with their love’s.
The dopamine and serotonin are the drugs that make you feel good. These drugs are actually chemicals that are naturally produced inside the brain. So imagine what happens when a person’s ecstasy chemicals increase and other chemicals that balance them go almost dormant. This is what occurs to a person who is in limerence. They are madly in love, thinking it is true love that lasts. Friends and family give up trying to persuade them otherwise because no logic works with them.
In other words, a person in limerence will do anything to be with the object of their affection. They’ll give up the governorship, family, friends, career goals or anything that is important to them to be with their love because he or she is worth it. What researched has shown, in working with thousands of couples who have been through this, is that limerence is only lasts somewhere between six and 36 months. This absolutely will help explain the difference between lust and love.
Getting a person that is in limerence in a room to discuss these things, I’ve found that even if they are right in the middle of the limerence and they think there’s no way he’s ever going to not be in love with this new person, there is actually a way to deal with it. Sometimes, the limerence can be overcome and the person can actually fall “out of love” with the LO (the limerence object, the person they madly in love with) and again be in love with their spouse.
It can happen. But it’s not true a process of logic and intellect, because that’s not what’s happening in the mind of someone in limerence. It’s through a process that helps the emotion reframe the way that they look at things. Maybe everybody else had given up because they say it’s impossible. He’s running off with her. Nobody can do anything about it. They’ve already filed up a divorce. Well, send them to us. We still have a three out of four success rate, and we have proven it for over decade. It’s possible to stop the affects of lust limerence, turn it around, and have them fall in love with their spouse again. Sounds impossible, I know but it can and does happen, and that too helps explain the difference between lust and love.
Copyright – 2013-14 – Tunomi Unlimited Incorporated (Twoology)