Allen Berger, Ph.D.
Spouse has really let themselves go
In this Twoology video, relationship expert, Allen Berger, Ph.D., offers a way for you to deal with your feelings if your spouse has really let themselves go. If you are confronting your spouse about their looks, make sure you are doing it because you care about them, not because you are personally embarrassed. Be sensitive when addressing your partner about weight gain or a similar issue.
What should I do if I my spouse has really let themselves go? If you’re in a relationship with someone and you’re concerned about how well they’re taking care of themselves, whether it’s their weight or in terms of how they’ve just let their appearance go, what do you do with that? How do you deal with that? Now, I know, for some people, their concern is, “I don’t want to hurt my partner bringing that up. You know, it might offend them.” But, at the same time, there are some feelings that you’re having about it. So, how do you deal with this?
Well, I think that the first thing is to really, really get in touch with what your motive is. If you can talk to them from the space inside of yourself that’s really concerned about them, that’s very different than talking to them from a place inside of yourself, that has to do with your ego. Like, if I’m worried about how you look because of how that makes me look, you’re not going to go very far in that conversation, because you’ve got an ulterior motive. You’re really trying to take care of yourself manipulating them and getting them to change.
However, if you talk to them from a true position of love and concern and you lead with that, once again, you’re going to hear me say this: ask permission. Say, “Is it okay for me to talk to you about some things that I’m struggling with?” But, once again, I’d really get your motives in the right place before you begin that conversation.
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