Mark Goulston, M.D.
Compromise in relationship
People are often reluctant to compromise if they believe the other person is getting a better deal. However, take some time consider your partner’s point of view, and how holding out on them is affecting them. This will help you decide if what you are holding out for is really worth it, or if you are ready to compromise.
What role should compromise play in your relationship? It’s difficult to compromise if you feel that other person is getting a better deal. So the best way to compromise with your spouse is to you feel that what you’re giving up equals what they’re giving up or what you’re getting equals what they’re getting.
Now, one of the keys to understanding that is to really talk about what you’re giving up and listen to what they’re giving up. It’s important to really listen to what it really means to them underneath the quid pro quo. And so, for instance, if what you’re giving up is spending too much time with your guy friends and that the compromise is to spend more time with your partner. Do not do it begrudgingly. Because what they’re going to give up is they’re going to give you a second chance after having told you how much that it has hurt them, how it has caused them to lose respect for you, as both their husband and the father of the children, and how painful it is to not be able to look up to you, which you really want to do. If you can get a feeling of how deeply they’re affected your behavior, it makes it easier to give up what you’re giving up.
More from Dr Goulston: Listen with an open mind for compromise and better yet, collaboration. When we lack humility, become so fixated on being right, we don’t make room for gestures to bridge the relationship gap.
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