Allen Berger, Ph.D.
Partner’s irritating habits
In this Twoology video, relationship expert, Allen Berger, Ph.D., shares critical communication and self reflection tips for ways for you to deal with your partner’s irritating habits. First figure out why your partner’s behavior annoys you. Once you understand why it upsets you, then ask permission to discuss the topic. Asking permission will make them much more receptive to discussing the issue.
What is the best way to deal with partner’s irritating habits? When you’re annoyed with your spouse about something that they’re doing, it’s important to talk to them in the following way:
- Instead of talking to them about what they’re doing, say, “Look, I’m having a problem right now. There’s something going on between us, and I’d like to talk to you about it.” And here’s the key. Ask permission. Ask them, “Is it okay for me to bring up something with you that has been bothering me?” If they sign on to that, you got a much better chance of having a good conversation.
Another aspect to address, and I would say that you should do this even before you ask them to talk about it, is to check in with yourself and why this issue is bothering you. See, a lot of times we see in somebody else something that annoys us that we haven’t come to grips with in ourselves. And so, the first thing I’d ask you to do is stop and check in with yourself. What’s going on with you? How come that bothers you? This is a key factor in dealing with how you’ll cope with your partner’s irritating habits.
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