Jennifer Johnston-Jones, Ph.D.
Jealous of my parents
Your spouse is jealous because of the connection that you have with your parents. It’s very normal. So what you need to do is realize that you do have a special opportunity and a special advantage of having an intimacy with your parents that many do not have. And, you know, I think the bottom line really is about the fact that your spouse doesn’t have that. If your spouse had the level of intimacy and connection that you have with your parents, it wouldn’t be an issue of wanting — feeling jealous or wishing that you could have that intimacy with others.
So there’s two things that you need to consider. Number one, what is the process that your spouse or partner is dealing with in their own childhood history? Is it bringing up issues for them or not — she haven’t the same sort of intimacy that you have with your parents?
Number two, is it interfering in your relationship beyond your spouse being jealous? Is it truly taking time away from the time that you would have with your spouse or partner? If the answer is yes, and most likely a spouse or partner will say yes, you need to sit down and establish — and I hate to be so mathematical and linear about it, but when these situations comes up, that’s important to do.
Your spouse needs to set — needs to set a rule. This is a minimum amount of time I want you to spend with me one on one this week. Great. You could take that and go with it. And always putting your spouse or partner first. And sometimes it might not be as natural for you.
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