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Allen Berger, Ph.D.

Partner threatened by parents

In this Twoology video, relationship expert, Allen Berger, Ph.D., says if your partner feels threatened by your relationship with your parents, shift your focus. When you marry, your spouse should be THE most important person in your life. You need to act accordingly by making your wife or husband the priority over your mother or father.

What if my partner feels threatened by my relationship with my parents?  One of the problems that couples frequently present to me after they’re married is this issue about the relationship with their parents. What kind of relationship should we have?

For example, there’s one partner, maybe, unfortunately, who has lost both their parents. They don’t have that family. But you’re very connected to your family. You’ve very close to them. You’re used to doing a lot of things with them. And this person may now start to feel threatened. What should you do?

The first thing to stop and think about, and somebody pointed this out to me after I got married that when I was talking about what was going on, I wasn’t making my wife a priority. I was making my mother a priority at that time. I felt like it was my job. She was out here for the wedding, and it was my job to take care of her. I started to focus on her needs, and I forgot about my wife.
What he said to me really, really changed perspective on this. He said, “You know, now that you’re married, Allen, your new wife is your family. That’s your first priority. That’s your first responsibility.” And I never thought about that, you know. I still thought my mom was. That was the kind of connection that I had with my mother. When that was pointed out to me, I was able to shift focus, turn to my wife, and let her know, “Honey, you’re my priority, and I can see that I haven’t been treating you that way.

So, if the question comes up, my hunch is that you’ve been doing something so that they don’t feel that way. Take a look at yourself. See what’s going on. Maybe you’ll be able to turn to them, really take some responsibility for that, and change that very, very easily.

When you marry, your spouse should be THE most important person in your life. Shift focus and act accordingly by making your wife or husband the priority over your mother or father.

By Twoology

Copyright – 2013-14 – Tunomi Unlimited Incorporated (Twoology)

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