Joe Beam, Ph.D.
Sex drives don’t match
What do you recommend when sex drives don’t match? The drives we have within us can be directed towards what we want, or the drives within us can be sublimated toward something else. That happens with sex as well as with the romance that occurs in marriage. For example, with many marriages, the birth of the first child is the first major crisis. Why? Well, it’s really simple. You change the babies. He ( your partner) no longer is getting all the attention. Plus, the hormones in her body are acting a little differently than they did before. And the more children you have, the more attention the children require, the less attention is given to your spouse. This, of course, is just one example of what happens when sex drives don’t match.
Basically, we know this: if a woman is fatigued (physically, mentally, and emotionally) it is extremely difficult to get her aroused. So maybe the guy says, “Well, I want more sex.” And she says, “I’m just too tired.” The solution is if you want to have more sex, you really have to help your spouse to not be so fatigued. Come home and help do the housework. Get a nanny if that’s what is needed. Do whatever it takes, especially if your sex drives don’t match to get her feeling more intimate towards you.
Then, find one evening a week where you have farmed out your kids to your neighbors. You have to create an environment where you have the ability to have sex and reasons, even like fatigue won’t stop it.
You have to establish what the sexual priorities are. Now, why is sex such a priority? Many couples say, “Oh, it’s really not. We don’t have sex that much, but that’s cool. It doesn’t bother us.” That’s ridiculous! When sex drives don’t match there’s going to be a problem!
There are all kinds of health reasons that indicate that human beings, men and women, need to orgasm approximately every 72 hours. If you haven’t attempted to do that, you must make it a priority. You must make sure that your spouse is not fatigued or focused on something else. Bonding from sex is essential and especially when sex drives don’t match.
So how are you going to do that? It won’t just happen naturally. Re-prioritize the things that have your attention. Additionally, people do what they enjoy. So, if you’re not having much sex, is it because you’re enjoying something else more? Figure out how to make sex more enjoyable than anything else, make it a priority, and you’ll want to have a lot of it even if your sex drives don’t match.
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