Danielle Jagoda, MA, LMFT
Keep our sex hot
Couples come in to me and tell me that they’re sex life is boring. What can we do to keep our sex life hot and satisfying? It’s the same old thing, same old missionary position, nothing exciting– what can they do?
So I kind of give them. What are things you can do to spice up your sex life? Some of the ideas we have come up with together is role playing, dressing up. So maybe have you wife dress up like a little maid or some sort of seductress, taking baths together using body oils and lotions and scents and candles and massage.
These are just some of the ideas that you can do to spice up your sex life. Trying new positions, things that you haven’t done in the past that maybe you were, oh, I don’t know, I might be embarrassed, I don’t know. Try it. Maybe you’ll see it’s something that you really enjoy and that it will spice up your sex life and you’ll see that this part of your life becomes a little bit more fun and exciting.
The great thing about trying different things with your partner or your spouse is that it is safe. It should be a safe place to do it and you should feel that, okay, he’s not going go talk about this with other people. Hopefully, it’s going to be kept between us.
I have had partners or people come in and say, yeah, but I’m worried. I think she was kind of exploratory in her past relationships and how am I gonna size up or compare to her past lovers or partners. And I really encourage them to just try and be in the present moment and really know that she is with him because — or vice versa.
He is with her because they want to be with that person. And if I have them in couples therapy, I have them talk about that together. What are their fears? What are their concerns? Are they feeling like they’re being judged and compared to past partners? And sometimes just having that conversation makes them realize, you know what, she’s not comparing me. She enjoys being with me and she wants to do this with me and it could be really fun and exciting and new and different. And so, okay, we’re going to try this and I’m going to kind of leave those other relationship behind.
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