Allen Berger, Ph.D.
Romance after having a baby
In this Twoology video, relationship expert, Allen Berger, Ph.D., says if your feeling like your relationship is suffering after having children, please know that becoming parents and maintaining an intimate relationship is definately possible. Many men make the mistake of taking themselves out of the relationship when they start to receive less attention because of a new baby. Instead of doing this, men should step up and include themselves in the lives of their partner and their children in order to stay connected.
What can I do about our relationship suffering after baby? One of the things that happen frequently after a couple has their first child is that the relationship between the husband and wife change. I’ve heard many men complain that they don’t get much attention from their partner, whether it’s sexual, emotional, or other kinds of attention. They feel neglected at some point. And what do we do with that? How do we deal with it? It’s an important issue, because, oftentimes, men see their partner stressed out, and they just try to swallow all those feelings because they don’t want to be more of a burden to them.
So, a lot of times, what I see men do is in the spirit of cooperation, they try to subtract themselves from the relationship. They try to minimize their needs. I think that causes problems. I don’t think that you need to be less of who you are for your family to work. In fact, you need to bring more of yourself to your family. It’s important for you to be a part of this and for you to experience it.
Going to your partner and talking to them about your desire, now, not in a way of saying, “You know, you’re not paying attention to me”, but more proactive. How can I become a part of what’s going on? How can I engage with what’s going on with my wife and the child to be more a part of that relationship? If you do that, then you’re going to feel more like part of the family, instead of just expecting that, somehow, now your wife has to take care of you. Because, if you do that, then all she’s got is another child on her hands.
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