Joe Beam, Ph.D.
Partner stops communicating with me
What can be done when my partner shuts me out? Do you want to keep your spouse from abandoning you? For whatever reason, they may be in love with somebody else or they just don’t want to be in the marriage anymore, it is important that you not try to control that person to stop from leaving.
For example, some people do crazy things and go to extreme measures to try to stop their spouse from leaving. One woman told me, “I followed him up to his car, and I banged my head on the concrete of the driveway until blood flowed like a river, and he still laughed.” That’s not the sane thing to do. Another woman said in an effort to save her marriage, “I let him bring his lover into our bed.” That’s just dumber than dirt. You see if you cling to the other person, you cannot try to control them through sex, through guilt, through manipulation, through religion, or through the children. If you try to control the other person and try to hang on and hold on tightly, they will only get away from you even faster. They will push you away even more.
There are positive and wonderful things you can do when your spouse is distant and shutting you out. What you really want do is go back to the beginning of what we call your love path, and you can become attracted to that person again. There’s a process for doing that no matter how old you are and no matter what you’ve been through. It’s a process of learning how to develop acceptance for that person and at the same time create it where that person learns acceptance of you. If you follow that process, then you will fall in love with each other again. It works three out four times when you’re facing the problem of wondering what to do when your partner shuts you out.
Now, go to the workshop, we can help you do it a whole lot faster. Some people still try to do it (reconnect with a distant spouse) in other ways. Limerence, those feelings of obsessive love for another, naturally occurs from chemicals in the brain. So, often times, nature can be controlled nature. Sometimes you can try the right kind of drugs. Zoloft, for example, might help a person begin to reduce the feelings of limerence. Also, perhaps if you are religious, you can overcome the natural with the supernatural. If someone has a supernatural experience with God, then almost anything can change. I’m sure there are people in your community who can help someone to have a supernatural experience with God, but it would have to be genuine and genuinely convicting, or that does not work either.
Come to our workshop, and let us show you what has to happen to change emotions. It doesn’t occur because of logic. It has to occur understanding the process of things that happen in life, including knowing what to do when your partner shuts you out.
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