Allen Berger, Ph.D.
Fix marriage problems
In this Twoology video, relationship expert, Allen Berger, Ph.D., suggests if you want to explore ways to work through problems and issues is to try something different by bridging the gap in different ways to work through your concerns. If the way you’re communicating is not useful, if it’s not helping you move forward, then doing more of it is not going to make any sense to solve any marriage problems.
What are ways to work through your marriage problems (aka, issues)? When the subject comes up about what the best way to work out a relationship problem why is it that people always focus on communication. Is communication important?
Well, what they don’t understand is that there’s no such thing as no communication. You see, even if I’m not talking to you about something that you want to talk to me about, there’s a message in my silence. We know clearly that communication is verbal and non-verbal, and that, in fact, the non-verbal part of communication is even more important than the verbal part when they start breaking it down.
So should we talk more? Well, it depends. If the way you’re talking about things is not useful, talking more is not going to help. Think about that. If the way you’re talking about it is not useful, if it’s not helping you move forward, then doing more of it is not going to make any sense to solve marriage problems. So what you have to do is think about doing something different.
Now, what does that different mean? Well, it might mean respecting your differences more. There are a lot of different things to poke around. But, if what you’re doing isn’t working, try something different because having ongoing marriage problems is not something which makes for a happy marriage.
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