Jennifer Johnston-Jones, Ph.D.
Healthy marriage post baby
What are ways to have a healthy marriage post baby? Another challenge that occurs once a baby is born, especially the first child, is when do we start to leave? When do we start to separate and go off together as a couple and try to reunite that relationship? What are ways to have a healthy marriage post baby? There is some triangulation that occurs with the first child, and there will be natural jealousy that occurs on the husband’s part, on the wife’s part for the baby because there used to be more attention for each other and not very much being triangulated.
You don’t have to leave on a traditional date to have connection and to have intimacy. One of the hardest things that parents run into, especially when their babies are under a year old, is feeling like they need to have a traditional date, whether that be a movie or a dinner, in order to truly connect. And you know what? That’s not going to do you any good if one person or both are neurotic and nervous and worrying, what about the baby? You’re not even present with each other anyway, so don’t waste your time.
So, if you don’t have a sitter that you feel comfortable with, you need to do things together at home temporarily until you can find a sitter. I’ll put at the very top of your list, to find someone you feel comfortable leaving your child with. But truly your time together could be as simple as sitting down one-to-one looking in each other’s eyes and having a true conversation. What is this feeling like to you? Are you as overwhelmed as I am? Yes, I am. What can we do about it? How was your day? Really looking at your spouse, making eye contact—you won’t believe how difficult that is for many new parents when there is a baby in their arms crying and all the attention is going to the child. So it’s important not to rush that first step; otherwise, resentment can build and you might not truly be present with each other anyway. My advice is that if you want a healthy marriage post baby you both need to do get back into your romantic dating mode.
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