Joseph Hernandez, Ph.D. and Ana Morante, L.M.F.T.
Deal with different marriage expectations
Expert advice for Latino couples. Different relationship expectations can be reconciled. Decide together your priorities, work together in order to reach these goals. Calendar a time to talk openly and honestly about expectations and wants.
So we know that sometimes when we are in relationships, we may be at different stages. Os if you want, one of us may be more engaged and wanting to enjoy our time together, while the other person may be a little bit more distant and will entertain in their own personal interests.
For example, if I’m the person that who would like to be more closer, as and I feel that my partner is kind of like not so hot into it, I may say something like, “You know what, Joe? You’re really important for to me. I really appreciate the relationship that we have and the closeness that we share. Now lately, I know that things have been going on for you and keep your interest, and I really would love to have an opportunity to sit down with you and figure out how we can we maybe do something together so that we can still stay connected the way we used to be.”
The kind of communication that’s going to work between the two of us to draw me out in a relationship like this is when she starts with the word “I,” when she talks from her heart about what she needs and what she wants from me. “I will not be able to hear her if she says,” “You never talk to me.” “You never listen to me.” It’s going to be much more engaging, more inviting, when she starts with the word “I.”
The second thing is she’s looking for areas of agreement. What is it both of us want? We love each other. I love you. We want to spend time together. Let’s do that. So what we listen as when we start with the word “I.” then we listen to one another, and then we look for areas of agreement. Then we, and then we find the solutions that help us both to be able to engage in our relationship more.
The other thing is that we know that when while it’s not only men, but it’s often the men who are more quiet, more inside. I always say that we as men have all of the emotions that women have, it’s just that we often don’t have the vocabulary. And the emotions are there, and you can tap into the emotions for us as men when you tell us about your heart and where you’re at, when you show us the respect, when you let us know that we are valuable.
The words “I love you” are important, yes. For us as men, we know that love is important. We also know that the concept of respect is a very important one for men. And so I will be more open when I feel that she’s opening up herself and inviting me into her life.
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