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Danielle Jagoda, MA, LMFT

Unresolved issues

So often, I see in my practice people who want to remarry or they want to get into another relationship but they have a lot of unresolved issues from their last relationship, which is really normal.  We carry what we call relationship baggage with us and it’s only normal to carry our past experiences in life into the present.  So I always encourage people, obviously, to get into therapy so that they gain some awareness and insight into what are kind of sensitive subjects and issues for them, what are items that serve as triggers.

And then the more you become aware of this, it seems like you are more able to ask yourself questions when you feeling a certain way; I’m upset about this person doing this or saying this.  It felt a little controlling or it felt almost like they were going to abandon me.  Ask yourself is this a reaction to my current partner?  Is this coming from my present interaction or is this kind of an irrational overreaction based on something that happened in my past?  Maybe this person telling me that they are going to go on vacation for the weekend with their friends really isn’t them wanting to abandon me like my last partner.  Maybe it’s honestly, they just want to get away and have a fun weekend with their buddies.

So you really have to start to look at what are triggers for you and where those things are coming from.

By Twoology

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