Danielle Jagoda, MA, LMFT

Tips for newlyweds

Set mutual goals for the marriage expectations you have and for what you want out of your lives as newlyweds and beyond.

What are some tips for newlyweds?  Let’s say you’re in your 20s, you’re a young couple, you just got married, and you think, oh, it’s gonna be fine, it’s gonna be great, you know, we’re so in love, we have such a great time together. What I often see sometimes is there’s the shift right after the wedding and it’s not always such a great shift. We have people getting upset because, for example, their husband still wants to go out and party and hang out with the boys and have a guy’s night and they wanna go drink beers or they wanna go off to Vegas. And she’s thinking, you know, you did that already. I thought we’re married now. I thought we were done with that.

Or we have — I’ve seen the guy thinking, okay, she’s going to be more of the traditional wife and she’s going to be like my mom was and she’s gonna cook me dinner every night and make me breakfast and pour me coffee. And she’s thinking, no, I’m, you know, I’m 26 years old. I don’t have to get up at seven a.m. I don’t go to work till ten. I’m not getting up and making you breakfast, and I thought we’d do takeout and I’m making dinner every night.

Or, you know, we have the parents coming over all the time still baing their children because, you know, after all, you’re only 25, 26. You’re still my ba. I want to bring you guys dinner. I want to do your laundry and I wanna kind of control your lives. So what do we do with all of these?

Well, first and foremost, you get into therapy and, of course, I would have suggested doing this before getting married but some people don’t do it and they realize, okay, we’re having issues here. So I encourage these couples to get into therapy, really talk out these issues, and kind of set some goals for what they want in their relationship, how they see it going in the short term and in the long term. And so if we can kind of get these young couples to get on the same page about how much they want to socializes, how much they want their parents involved, how much they want to help out around the house, you know, who wants to take on the responsibility of maybe cooking and cleaning. Doesn’t wanna be a — maybe it’s gonna be a team effort.

Maybe it’s not gonna be as traditional as it once was when your parents were younger and have — you know, it might not be that it’s the wife who’s gonna be cooking and cleaning. It might be that you guys are gonna work together on this. So we’re really gonna set up some short term goals and long term goals for these young couples.

By Twoology

Copyright – 2013-14 – Tunomi Unlimited Incorporated (Twoology)

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