Scott Haltzman, M.D.
What are the secrets to a happy marriage? The couples that I have talked to that are the most happy and successful in their marriage or relationships are the ones that put the needs of their partner first. It really is true. I get my happiness as a husband seeing my wife is happy. And I can tell you that expression, “When mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy,” sure relates in my household.
Look, I can’t be happy if she’s not having a feeling of being content and fulfilled. So I think that when I put my efforts into doing what I can to improve the quality of her life, to make her happy, and to meet her needs, I ultimately feel happy. And, the rest of the household is happier as well.
The couples that tend to get into trouble are the ones that start asking themselves, “What about me? What about my happiness? I can give to my partner as soon as my needs are being taken care of.” That reminds me of the story about 2 people who decide their going to build a tunnel. They both decided they’re going to dig at opposite ends and meet halfway. So, they both begin to dig. Then, both, having felt like they dug their fair share give up and wait for the other person to finish the tunnel. The tunnel never gets built.
Look, you can’t just go halfway, because when you’ve gone halfway your partner thinks that you’ve given about 25%. When your partners gone halfway, you think he or she is only giving 25%. Thus, you both feel cheated. Give 100% even if you have to dig the whole tunnel.
- Place your partner’s needs above your own.
- Making yourself a priority above your partner will cause problems.
- Set goals for meeting your partner’s needs.
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