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ACTIONS

1. Work sharing

Many partners feel they are doing the lion’s share of the housework, which makes them feel used and second class, which can lead to some pretty deep resentment. It is important that the housework is split evenly between partners, especially if both people are working fairly comparable hours.

2. Finance sharing

Sharing finances is tricky business, especially when two people don’t agree on where the shared monies should be spent. Hair-do’s and bar tabs can sneak into the hundreds pretty easily, and are often not understood. The trick is to agree on discretionary spending, and not to judge your partner on spending their cash on what they choose. We all like our treats once and a while!

3. Time management

Nothing triggers a fight quite like a partner coming home late, or forgetting an appointment or special event. Luckily, this issue can be managed with a good shared calendar and some friendly reminding. DO NOT test your partner and wait for them to remember. Send a friendly text, or give a call beforehand.

4. Dependability sharing

It feels very personal when one partner commits to something, and then doesn’t follow through. Often, it’s simply a matter of laziness, but, again, feels hurtful to the other person. So, be absolutely sure before committing! Don’t start something you won’t finish! Put the task on a calendar with a deadline, and then celebrate when the task is complete.

5. Reality sharing

Sometimes one partner is a little “big for their britches” and has some far reaching ideas of what they can accomplish. This creates some nasty conversations, (especially when the other partner is all too eager call them out on it.) Sometimes we all need to stretch our dreams, yes, but when you’re in a partnership, you have to be considerate of the other person’s perception. If you can both meet in the middle, so one of you isn’t always being overly ambitious, and the other isn’t always being negative, that’s a great place to start.

6. Parenting sharing

If you have kids, you know sometimes one of the parents often gets burdened with more of the kid stuff. Moms in particular tend to be the assumed parent in most situations. If she’s burned out though, Daddy needs to take charge. This takes some extra effort, but is well worth it. Dads: seize the moment when you can see her starting to frizz out, and take initiative. She’ll love you for it. Moms: Be clear and non-threatening when you ask for help.

7. Attention sharing

We all do it. After enough time has passed, we forget to pay special attention to our mate. We were so good once at picking up something nice on the way home, or simply stopping to kiss our partner and tell them we love them. When these habits fade away, we are often left feeling lonely and taken for granted. Remembering to acknowledge your partner is really, really, really … really important. Really. Setting some kind of reminder, even a repeating calendar alarm or text message to help you remember is a realistic starting point.

8. Activities sharing

Find things you both enjoy doing together. Take the initiative to plan dates.

NEEDED ITEMS

  • A commitment to look at your relationship, and incite change when you see the two of you drifting. Empathy is key. Be willing to change your own behavior if you aren’t pulling enough weight.

ONGOING

  • Commit and communicate with an open heart and honesty, compassion and kindness. You don’t want to come across as a nag. All of these issues can be resolved by communicating and committing to change. RADD can threaten to destroy your relationship and starts so small and subtly, youon’t see it coming. If you have trouble working through this on your own, don’t be afraid to contact outside help.

Copyright – 2013-14 – Tunomi Unlimited Incorporated (Twoology)

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