Daniel Linder, MFT
Maintain healthy relationships with our children
There are a couple of things in my relationship with my wife and my family that I believe I’ve handled very well, because I feel like I have a great relationship with my wife and with both my children, who are 18 and 22 right now. One thing that we’ve learned is that, in terms of responding to our children’s needs, my wife, Taye, and I have the ability to discuss what’s going on in the situation, compare notes, express our diverging or agreeing perspectives, and come up with a solution together as to what is in the best interest of both our children and ourselves.
We also have the ability to not relate to our children as just the combined package of “the parents.” I have the relationship with both my children as the dad. She has the relationship with both of our children as the mom. And our children have learned, and continue to learn, that they have separate relationships with mom and with dad. It’s not a relationship with “the parents.” We’re two different people. We have two different ways of operating.
So, there’s safety and security for us to kind of separate ourselves and not have to be the same way all the time. Those are key ingredients of healthy relationships with children because they involve clear boundaries and flexibility.
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