Allen Berger, Ph.D.
In this Twoology video, relationship expert, Allen Berger, Ph.D., recommends premarital counseling for couples because every marriage is going to have problems. Pre-marital counseling prepares you for these problems. If you make excuses now for avoiding dealing with your problems, you will sacrifice your marital happiness and satisfaction.
How does premarital counseling help a committed couple? The question about the value of premarital counseling, I think, is very important. I want you to think about a marriage in this way: You’re bringing two people together that have incredibly different backgrounds and have had incredibly different experiences. You’ve really been raised in different cultures.
You know, we used to think of a mixed marriage as just a marriage of mixed race, like a white person marrying a black person, or mixed religion, like a Jewish person marrying a Catholic. I am here to tell you that every marriage is a mixed marriage. You’re mixing two very different cultures together, 2 ways of dealing with things, 2 ways of talking to each other, etc. It’s unbelievable.
And to think that you could just jump in the middle of that without getting a head start on dealing with some of the issues, I think, is so naïve. Don’t do that to yourself. If you are considering premarital counseling, go for it. Get a head start on some of those issues. It can help you to develop the kind of relationship that you’ve been dreaming about. If you have all kinds of excuses about why it’s too hard to do it, stop for a minute and think about what you’re doing.
You’re relationship is your first child. Let’s say we’re talking about a baby. Well, I’m not going to take the ba to the doctor because we’re too busy. You’d be losing the child. You’d be reported for neglect, and yet you’re going to go ahead and do that to your relationship? Understand what you’re doing. Your relationship is the first child, and how you guys care for that is going to determine the quality of that for the rest of your life. That’s the kind of investment you’re making.
So, if you let yourself have all these excuses, guess what? That’s going to be what you do throughout your relationship, and you will never be able to enjoy the full potential of what a great connection can bring to your life.
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