Mark Goulston, M.D.
If you present yourself as hurt rather than as angry, your partner is much more likely to respond, and open the door to work together to improve and maintain your intimacy and connection. Lost intimacy is a touchy subject, so treat it as such.
How do we maintain intimacy in our relationship? One of the ways to rebuild intimacy in your marriage is to not speak about what’s been missing as a criticism but as something that hurts. Speak about it as hurt, as opposed to complaining or whining about it. Perhaps say to the other person something like, “I don’t know what happened to our being close with each other, but I think it somehow slipped away. I may have caused it, you may have caused it, but I miss that. Would you be willing to figure out a way with me to bring it back, because I want to get back to not just being close? I want get back to being best friends.”
I think that if you can reach out like that, without whining, just as a statement of vulnerability, it will often trigger the other person to bare their neck to you instead of their teeth.
Emotional distance causes couples to feel more like roommates instead of lovers. To maintain intimacy, communicate about your feelings and needs that rank highest in imporatance. Allowing your self to be vulnerable by sharing your emotions. Dr. Goulston’s tips and techniques has helped thousands of couples to rebuild and maintain intimacy.
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