Allen Berger, Ph.D.
Okay not to share things
When is it okay to not share things? In considering how much you let your spouse know about what is bothering you, I think that you need to think about a couple different things. The first thing is that I really want to get you to take a look at what’s happening on different levels. You see, a lot of times, we confuse love and dependency.
There’s a fusion that happens in relationships. If I’m fused with you, then a lot of the things that may be bothering me in the relationship are related to my dependency on you. And that’s not so much an issue for your spouse to look at as for you to look at. So, what I always tell people is just that you really need to take a look at what’s going on in you, and what is motivating you before you decide wether to disclose, hide or approach certain issues like this.
Now, the other thing, I believe, is that it’s important to be completely authentic in a relationship with your spouse, because, if a relationship is not based on who you really are, then you’re never going to know if that person truly loves you. You should want to be with someone that really is into you, not into some image that you’re presenting.
Authenticity is extremely important. And so, this authenticity needs to be related to you being honest with your partner and talking to that person about what’s going on. Let them know what’s going on. Let them know you, because the relationship is going to work best when you’re connected to that person in that kind of way.
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