How to Write an Apology  romantipedia guides emotional conflicts guides communication guides


1. Start

Trust has been broken and you need to reconnect. Perhaps start out by sharing what you love, admire and respect about them. Why are they so vital to you? Make it brief, because you still haven’t touched the reason you’re writing.

2. Why writing

Maybe you write something like: “I understand why you don’t want to talk to me right now, but I hope you will take the time to read this because there are some things that I want for you to know.”

3. What happened

From your mate’s point of view, do you know why they are upset? If you can’t write it briefly and clearly, you have little chance of success.

4. Focus

It should be clear that your real concern is with your spouse and with your marriage and not with yourself.

5. Defend

If you try to rationalize, explain or put into favorable light why you did what you did, you’ll only open up more problems. Leave all that out. Fess up and get right to the point.

6. Your plan

What’s going to make it possible for you not to hurt your mate again? Be specific about what you will and won’t do. Don’t promise more than you can deliver. It’s okay to spell out the ‘baby steps’ you might need to take, but whatever you do, remember you’re writing to an audience of one; so focus everything on their definitions, perspective, needs and issues.

7. Love

Write something about you accepting that it will take some time for them to process all this, and the most critical part is how your commitment and love for them will lead the way.

8. Signing

“Sincerely”? That’s good for business, yet if you are genuinely sincere you might need a better way to end your letter. Perhaps an affirmation of more reasons s/he is so important to you; how your mutual relationship happiness is your number one most important goal; how earning their respect is your number one priority….

9. Presenting it

Don’t mail it! Email might be faster, but does it convey the appropriate emotional touch? Unless your handwriting is unreadable by your mate, write it by hand on paper. Put it in an envelope with their first name on it, and seal it just enough so anyone who might come across it before your mate sees it does not open it ‘accidentally’.

10. Their reaction

You can’t control it, and if you try to exert any undue influence, you risk adding to your mess. So, let your mate respond and take it like the loving partner you promised to be; it’s all part of the healing process. Remember, trust has been broken, and your mate needs to be convinced how you are going to act over time…..


  • Stationery, envelope, digital media, sky, craft supplies, sincerity.


  • Actions speak louder than words, so if you don’t follow through on what you commit to, your relationship will be in jeopardy.

Copyright – 2013-14 – Tunomi Unlimited Incorporated (Twoology)

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