Allen Berger, Ph.D.
In this Twoology video, relationship expert, Allen Berger, Ph.D., answers the tricky dilemma of just how much do you have to or should you share in a relationship and how do you determine when is it okay to not share things. Authenticity is extremely important. You want your partner to love you, not a facade that you put on.
How much do you have to or should you share in a relationship? In considering how much you let your spouse know about what is bothering you, I think that you need to think about a couple different things. The first thing is that I really want to get you to take a look at what’s happening. You see, a lot of times, we confuse love and dependency.
There’s a fusion that happens in relationships. If I’m fused with you, then a lot of the things that may be bothering me in the relationship are related to my dependency on you. And that’s not so much an issue for your spouse to look at as for you to look at. So, what I always tell people is just that you really need to take a look at what’s going on and what is motivating you before you start to approach issue like this.
Now, the other thing, I believe, is that it’s important to be completely authentic in a relationship with your spouse, because, if a relationship is not based on who you really are, then you’re never going to know if that person truly loves you. You should want to be with someone that really is into you, not into some image that you’re presenting.
Authenticity is extremely important. And so, this authenticity needs to be related to you being honest with your partner and talking to that person about what’s going on. Let them know what’s going on. Let them know you, because the relationship is going to work best when you’re connected to that person in that kind of way.
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