Joe Beam, Ph.D.
Create happy long lasting relationship
How do you create healthy long-term relationships? When I was on NBC’s The Today Show, I was being interviewed by Natalie Morales. Right next to me was a psychologist that The Today Show brings on quite often. Over the course of the interview, talking about life and people in the set room, the psychologist says to Natalie, “Of course, you can’t save a marriage unless both spouses want to save it.” I said, “Well, I think that is not true. For over a decade, we’ve proven that you can save a marriage even if neither spouse wants to save it.” Referring to the highly successful process for happy and healthy long-term relationship building.
And that’s where the conversation got interesting. I had really ticked of the psychologist. She said, “Well, I guess you’re better than I am.” And, since we were on national television, I was polite enough not to reply. But, I really believe what I said is true. If you want a happy and healthy marriage, it requires falling in love many times, with the same person.
There is a process that people can go through to help to understand how they fell in love, how they fell out of love, and how they can fall in love again no matter what has transpired. Falling in love is a process. If you follow the process, you fall in love whether you mean to or not. Even if your spouse does not want to put in the effort there are things you can do to win them back. If you vacate or invalidate the process, you will fall out of love, whether you mean to or not. For most people, the problem is that they don’t understand the process.
So, let me explain, how you can fall in love. If you do these things, even if you don’t want to, you will fall in love. In the last ten years, I have had a success rate, as validated an outside PhD, in which at least 75 percent of those couples are still together. So, yes, a marriage can be saved even if neither spouse wants to save it, but you have to get them in the same room to begin the process somehow, someway. Any marriage can become a healthy long term relationship if you stop doing things that damage or destroy the relationship and continue to do things that make love grow.
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