Danielle Jagoda, MA, LMFT
Strong relationship after kids
How do we keep a strong relationship after kids? A lot of times, you see with parents that they are extremely busy with everyday life and stressors and children and they ask me, how do we keep a strong relationship after kids? How do we keep it alive?” So I always talk about setting up a date night, that they have to have once a week just so that you have time to yourselves. You know you’re going to have the babysitter come. You can go to a movie. You can go to dinner and really enjoy each other. Come together as a couple, have conversation, talk about your week.
I also encourage my couples to not only set aside a date night but to go out during the day and do activities that they enjoy together. So this could also be separate, a once a week sort of thing. So if you enjoy hiking or going on bike rides, going to the beach, whatever it is, you set up a day time date to do activities you enjoy together. And then lastly — but not unimportant — is that couples who have children and they are trying to keep this relationship alive is, they really have to realize that you need to co-parent and work as a team as parents. This is a great way to keep a strong relationship after kids.
Because often, I see one parent feeling like, for example, let’s say it’s the wife, like she’s the bad cop. She’s with the children all day. She’s disciplining. She is just exhausted the time her husband gets home. And he comes home and the kids run to him and they want to, “Oh, can we watch TV for an hour? Can we do this? Can we do that?” and he says, “Sure, that’s fine,” so he becomes the good cop and that really can have result in resentments being built up between partners.
So it’s really important that you work as a team and that really will help keep the relationship alive. So I encourage, for example, mothers to say to –- and this could go for mothers or fathers, but to say to your children, “I’m not happy with your behavior right now. When, for example, Dad gets home, we’re going to talk about your behavior together and together, we’re going to decide on the consequences,” so that you know, the children know that the parents are a team and it helps with resentments not being built up between couples and help keep a strong relationship after kids.
Copyright – 2013-14 – Tunomi Unlimited Incorporated (Twoology)