Allen Berger, Ph.D.
Sex drive differences
In this Twoology video, relationship expert, Allen Berger, Ph.D., says if you’ve got sex drive differences or if you are not having sex because the sex isn’t satisfying, use this opportunity to talk about what the problem is and what you can do to fix it. IF there are sexual performance pressures, it is time to reconnect.
How do we deal with sex drive differences? What if we are avoiding sex because of a string of unsatisfying experiences? A lot of times, people avoid sex because they’ve experienced a failure in some way. For example, your guy is having trouble having erections, and he’s now failed to have an erection the last couple times that you’ve had sex. All of a sudden, you feel that he’s avoiding you, not wanting to have sex. It’s not because of you. It’s because he’s afraid to not perform well again. Moments like these are very important opportunities for you to start to talk about what’s really going on.
You see, in our society, people get so focused on orgasms, and they think that sex somehow isn’t great if they haven’t had an orgasm. But that’s not what it’s about. It’s not about being orgasmic. It’s not about getting validated from your partner. It’s about enjoying each other.
And, if you can enjoy each other, you don’t have to go anywhere. You can enjoy what is happening with each other right there in the moment and take all that performance pressure off. If you can do that, then you can reconnect, and then you can start enjoying each other in a very different way.
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