Daniel Linder, MFT
How do I work through my feelings after infidelity and betrayal
You build trust going back and acknowledging all the feelings that you had in the relationship that you didn’t talk about or share with your partner at the time but, instead, cut off from them, sought an escape, and tried to make yourself feel better getting involved in another relationship. You have to go back and deal with that. You have to look at how you coped with those difficult feelings and do so in a fair, healthy, and productive way in order to deal with them. Otherwise, they will just create more complications and more problems in the relationship.
So, you go back. You have to talk about what is really going on in the relationship and deal with the things that haven’t been dealt with. And then you have to talk about the fallout, the impact of the infidelity, the fact that trust was broken.
Trust is non-negotiable in a relationship. When it’s broken, it’s a big ordeal to rebuild it. But it’s not impossible. It certainly happens all the time in couples’ therapy where the process entails the couple being honest and accountable and responsible in a way that they’d never been before. And if one or both people are honest and accountable and responsible on a consistent basis, it’s going to go a long way to rebuilding trust again, putting the past behind and going forward with what they are creating now and building on that.
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