Danielle Jagoda, MA, LMFT
How do I know if they are the right one
I have young couples coming in for therapy and they’re wondering, you know, is this the right person? Is this who I want to spend the rest of my life with? We’re pretty happy where we’re at but we’re feeling like maybe it’s time to take it to the next level. How do I know if they are the right one for me? We’ve been together for a year, two years, and what do we do.
You know, with those couples, I’m not going to give a direct answer about what do you do but I’m going to want to explore with them what are some ideas or options or possibilities and maybe what’s going on. I definitely want to know if the feeling of needing to take the relationship to the next level is maybe coming from possible outside pressure, from outer sources like coming from family members. Is it holiday season and everybody’s getting together for Christmas or Hanukah or Thanksgiving and, you know, you have the relatives saying, so what’s the status of your relationship? Where is it going now?
And so because of that pressure you’re kind of feeling like you need to take it to the next level. I’d be wondering if there’s changes that either of them feel that the other person needs to make in order for them to feel ready to take it to the next level. Maybe one partner feels the other person needs to grow up a little bit. Maybe the maturity level isn’t quite there. Maybe they’re wanting to see the other person become more responsible, more mature, more nurturing, more of a caretaker. So I want to see, again, if it’s items that they think the other person needs to change or possibly is it items within themselves that they feel like they need to change or that they need to grow before they are really ready to take that next step.
Those are kind of some of the areas I would explore with this couple in order to help them get to a place and maybe really kind of come to a decision ultimately on if they want to take the relationship to the next level, which could be
marriage, it could be moving in together.
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