Jennifer Johnston-Jones, Ph.D.
Prioritize me before their parents
How do I get my spouse to prioritize me before their parents? How to get your spouse or partner to stop listening to their parents and start listening to you? A couple of things. Number one, if you’re spouse or partner is truly connected to their parents and is really needing a lot of advice from them and is really doing what they recommended versus to what you recommend, that’s a part of the identity developments and they haven’t quite grown beyond that yet.They are still tied to their parents apron strings.
The next phase in the creation of a couple is growing out of the place of really receiving advice from the parents, making their spouse the number one priority, and moving into the couple where as a relationship, and really receiving advice from you. But you can’t force it. And the more you try to force it, the harder it’s going to be on the both of you. You really need to allow that process to happen. Think of it as a seed.. if you give the seed too much fertilizer, you’re going to damage the flower. Allow your spouse to grow as they will, and that really is a process of separating from his or her parents.
So my basic response and my basic advice to you is if you want to get your spouse to prioritize you, listen to you instead of their parents, simply to take a deep breath and be responsible for your self. Ultimately, you shouldn’t be telling your partners parents what to do anyway. It’s really about you making the changes in yourself. And if you’re not happy with the way things are, what can you do to change your own behaviors not what can your spouse do.
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