Danielle Jagoda, MA, LMFT
Make our sex life better
Often I have couples coming in to see me and they’re saying our sex life has just kind of gone down the drain. I get in bed and I kind of scoots to one side of the bed and he scoots to the other side of the bed and we just had some really dissatisfying experiences and his performance wasn’t that great or her performance wasn’t that great. And, you know, now, it’s almost as if there is anxiety around repeating those poor performances so that’s — let’s just avoid it. How can we make our sex life better?
So with these couples, I encourage them to engage in what’s called sensate focus. And he ultimate goal of sensate focus is not to have intercourse, not to have sex. It’s to really come together and enjoy each other’s bodies and to explore and touch and caress each other and really find out what it is that the other partner likes and enjoys. And this goes on for as long as you want and it’s really a way of coming together and taking away that performance anxiety that might be there because of the dissatisfying experiences.
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