Mark Goulston, M.D.
If you want to regain trust and be trustworthy, keep your promises by following through on your commitments. There will be time you cannot keep them and it’s better to be upfront that you can’t do something rather than disappoint someone later. Be trustworthy if you want to be trusted.
How can I get my spouse to trust me again? mIt isn’t rocket science: Be trustworthy. And what does trustworthy mean? What it means is when you say you’re going to do something, do it. For example, my middle daughter, when she was six years old, loved her dance class. Well, one day, my wife said to me, “You’re in deep doodoo because you didn’t show up for her dance recital practice. She looked all over for you, and she was just so hurt that you weren’t there.” And my wife, who’s really a terrific woman and a terrific mom, said to me, “I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes when you get home.”
And so, I went and bought a little toy, and when I came home, I saw my little Emily. And I said, “Emily, I told you that I was going to come to your dance recital practice, I didn’t show, and I know that you looked for me.” Now, I’ll never forget it. She didn’t say anything. She just gave me this look, trying to fight back tears, and it really got to me. Her tears were because she loved me so much, and I let her down. So what I said to her was, “I’ll make a deal with you, Emily. I am never going to promise you something that I won’t do. And, as a result, I may not promise you a lot of things in life. I might say, ‘I will try,’ because I want you to believe that a promise from your dad is something that you can count on.” And that was a promise that I was able to keep.
Some people may think that it’s easier to do that with your child than to do that with your spouse. But, the truth is, just because it’s easier doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try it.
Copyright – 2013-14 – Tunomi Unlimited Incorporated (Twoology)