Allen Berger, Ph.D.
Humor hurt your relationship
In this Twoology video, relationship expert, Allen Berger, Ph.D., reveals how appropriate humor can benefit your relationship and ways that inappropriate humor can hurt your relationship.
How can humor hurt or help our relationship? I think that we take ourselves way too seriously. We get so focused on issues and being right. One way of breaking that up is to learn to laugh at ourselves.
I know that, for me, sometimes, I can really be a perfectionist. If I’m really doing that to myself or if I’m laying that trip on my partner, then, if I catch myself and say, “Well, there I go again expecting myself to be perfect or expecting you to be perfect. How ridiculous that is!” I can start to laugh at it, or I forget that the true value in our life is really about all our imperfections, not how perfect we are. If I can really get myself to appreciate that, then I can sure take the sting out of something that could cause a lot of problems.
Now, I’ve also seen humor used the other way where people use it to avoid things. So, if you’re the jokester, if you’re the trickster all the time, and you’re using humor as a defense, then that’s just another way of avoiding. And, you know, when we avoid things, you’re not going to grow up. You’re not going to learn how to be a better partner. You’re not going to learn how to have a better relationship if you keep playing that game with yourself.
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