Even though it’s commonly thought that women are always seeking attention from their partners, men also feel neglected, especially once you have kids and other people to take care of. Men have a very strong need to feel desired, respected and valued. Little adjustments can make a big shift in your relationship. Here are Cindy & Jeff Ullman’s 5 great ways to make sure you get your needs met by getting more attention from your woman.
1. The gift of your time
There’s a direct correlation between your doing chores and your mate feeling intimately closer and wanting more sex with you. Women often wear many hats … wife, mother, worker, friend, etc. Likely, she is suffering on the self-care front. If she’s been taking on the bulk of work around the house, voluntarily give your time and she will give you more attention when you take on more of the daily chores. Instead of walking by a dirty floor, pick up the broom. There is no doubt that grateful smiles, kisses and other tokens of appreciation will come your way!
Give and you will likely get. Are you modeling the behavior you wish to see from her? The more you show the kind of attentive appreciation and fondness you wish to have, the more likely she’ll start giving it in return. Dr. John Gottman, perhaps the most renown relationship social scientist, says the ratio of positives to negatives is 5:1 for the happiest, most stable relationships. Make the effort to mindfully focus on what’s right about your mate, the things she does well and share your admiration and appreciation with her. If you need more respect, show more respect. If you want more attention, give more attention. IF you want more intimacy, be more intimate. Want a hug, give a hug!
3. Look deeper
It’s possible your lady isn’t feeling uber affectionate because there are other factors in the relationship that are making her feel frustrated or bitter. Have you turned her into a nag? That’s right, guys. She wants you to be engaged. She does not want to be a nag, or your mother, or your child. Do some soul searching and find out if she’s been making requests of you that you don’t seem to get around to in a timely fashion ( and without needing to be nagged or reminded)? Nagging breeds resentment for both of you. If she’s pestering you to wipe your pee off the toilet seat, or turn all the lights off before coming to bed, JUST DO IT!. Little adjustments can make a big shift.
4. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate
Let her know what’s bothering you so that you don’t let your simmer of frustration boil over into anger. How you say it is almost more important that what you say. Use non-aggressive communication when you share your feelings instead of complaining, criticizing, and accusing. State your needs without judgement and don’t, “You never,,,”or “You always…” or How many time do I have to tell you…”Instead, be specific starting with “I” instead of “you.” Example: “Honey, I have been realizing that I would like a little more attention from you. Like, asking me how my day went or noticing when I try to do something considerate for you.” Respectfully listen to her responses. Then, brainstorm for cooperation.
5. Court her
As in have good manners, be a gentleman and practice good hygiene. Be nice, friendly, upbeat, fun, respectful, touchy-feely, flirty, romantic. Make her feel noticed. Give her public praise and displays of affection ( PDA’s). Use words of love. Kiss more. Be interesting and spontaneous. Play and laugh more together. Give it a little time and be patient with her. And don’t give up!
- Desire to make small changes in your attitude, demeanor, and mindfulness. Practice non-aggressive communication, compassion, acts of kindness and communicate. Communicate. Communicate- verbally and non-verbally.
- Maintain these actions as habits that will continue throughout your relationship. Make sure you schedule time for communication, acts of kindness, loving attention, and intimacy.
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