Daniel Linder, MFT
Repairing love and trust
Restoring love and trust in your relationship begins with loving and forgiving yourself. I recommend self-forgiveness through meditation. Your partner will not be able to forgive you for a misdeed unless you are able to forgive yourself.
Forgiving your partner can’t occur unless you’re able to forgive yourself. You’re not going to be able to have that experience or attain that experience of forgiving someone else if you haven’t demonstrated the capacity or achieved the experience of self-forgiveness. I struggle with that a lot myself because I don’t often know there are things that I need to forgive myself for, and, when I think of forgiving myself, it becomes an obstruction. I don’t know what it is or how to do it.
I recommend that you practice meditation and begin to taste what it feels like to forgive yourself. The meditation is to sit yourself, and imagine you’re there with yourself. So, there’s you and you. One is your awareness, and one is your experience. You should be saying to yourself, “I love you; I love you; I love you; I love you.” Say it 20 times to yourself out loud.
Forgiveness begins with your capacity to love and accept yourself and have compassion for yourself, for the things that you’ve done that you feel ashamed, guilty, and/or embarrassed about and never want to think about. Those are the things that you need to open up and shed light on and begin to embrace in order to forgive someone else.
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