Scott Haltzman, M.D.
Fixing incompatible habits in marriage
How do we overcome incompatible habits in our marriage? One of the concerns that I have is that when I listen to radio or television talk show hosts, they’ll be discussing with the couples some difficulties; and they’ll say things like, “You know, you should go and seek a marital therapist or you should get counseling.” Look, most couples can figure out what they need to do to solve their relationship difficulties without having a therapist. One of the worse things that can happen is to go and sit in the therapist’s office and focus on your problems. That doesn’t help you solve it.
If you were at work, having difficulty getting along with your boss, a job counselor won’t tell you to go and sit with the therapist. A job counselor wouldn’t say, “Why won’t you and your boss go get therapy together?”
There are ways to make it work. There are rules. There are good things you can do to nurture a marriage or relationship. Also, there are things that you can do that are just going to destroy it. You have to make choices about what you do and how you act. That is your responsibility. You can learn to do that. You’re not sick. You don’t have to see a therapist. (On a side note, if you really are sick, that’s a different story).
But, I really want to encourage you to recognize that if you have the skills to have a good relationship with your family, a good relationship with your kids, and a good relationship with coworkers, you can find the skills to have an amazing relationship with your spouse.
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