Scott Haltzman, M.D.
Emotional withdrawal and sharing
How do you stop emotional withdrawal to increase intimacy? There’s a lot that goes on in relationships that we just don’t talk about. They could be past experiences that we’ve had. They can be fantasies that we’ve had. Regardless, I think there’s often a need from both you and your spouse to have that kind of healthy separation and to recognize that there are some things that you just can’t talk about and that you don’t necessarily have to talk about.
If you’re going to bring up a subject that’s unmentionable, then what you really need to do is make sure that first and foremost that your spouse can:
- Listen to you without judgment, and
- Trust your spouse to know that he or she won’t reject you.
If you don’t feel like that is the case, then you work on that first. You work on the trust. You work on the listening skills. You work on the talking skills. If you don’t get the ground work down and you begin to open up our heart about that terrible part of you that you don’t want your partner to know about, you maybe very disappointed with the results. So take your time and develop trust, and when you begin to know that your partner cares about you and loves you enough to accept you as you are, then just about everything is open for discussion.
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