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Allen Berger, Ph.D.

Effects of ultimatums

In this Twoology video, relationship expert, Allen Berger, Ph.D., explains how ultimatums can harm your relationship. Giving your partner an ultimatum usually will not yield good results. Instead, give yourself an ultimatum challenging yourself to grow and change. In every conversation you have with your partner, you want to bring your best self forward.

How do relationship ultimatums help or harm?  If a person in a relationship comes to me and says, “Should I give my partner an ultimatum? I’m sick and tired of this.” My experience is that you have to think about what you’re trying to do. If the ultimatum is to manipulate them to be different, then I think that it’s not a very good idea.

Instead, you need to create a crucible for yourself. You need to challenge yourself, take a chance, stand for yourself, and not give your partner an ultimatum, but, in a sense, give yourself an ultimatum. You need to say, “I am not going to live with this anymore.” doing that it’s not to manipulate your partner. It’s for you to set your boundaries and to stand on your own two feet.

That’s the kind of ultimatum that is going to have the best impact for your life. And, if you do it for that reason, it can have a great impact on your relationship.

Giving your partner an ultimatum usually will not yield good results. Instead, give yourself an ultimatum challenging yourself to grow and change. In every conversation you have with your partner, you want to bring your best self forward. To do this, you have to respect each other’s boundaries. Being married does not give you the right to bring up whatever you want whenever you want. Fix yourself instead of using ultimatums.

By Twoology

Copyright – 2013-14 – Tunomi Unlimited Incorporated (Twoology)

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