Scott Haltzman, M.D.
Different kinds of infidelity
What is emotional infidelity and how do I deal with it? There are a lot of arguments about what an affair is. Studies now show that the level has risen from 15% of people having affairs up to 70 percent. One of the questions is, how do we define affairs? There is really no good, one set definition.
It used to be felt that it’s okay for any man and woman, who end up under the sheets together, have sexual intercourse. I think everybody accepts that if one or the other of them is married, that’s an affair. But, these days, affairs can happen on the internet, they can happen with people you’ve never met, or you can meet somebody and go out a dinner with them. You may never have sex, and it may still be considered an affair.
Look, it’s really up to you and your spouse as to how you define an affair. But here is the truth: If one or the other of you has limitations and sees your relationship with another person as interfering with your marriage, that is a giant red flag. All of your emotional energy, all of your spiritual energy, all of your sexual energy, and all of your intimate energy should be going into the marriage.
If you find yourself wanting to have some type of connection with someone, who you have a sexual attraction to and you think your partner wouldn’t quite understand it, tell your partner or you should cut off all connections with that other person. Because, if you’re going to start to keep even a casual telephone conversation a secret, I can almost guarantee that it’s going to become deeper and more intimate. And all that can interfere with the happiness in your marriage.
Infidelity is sharing any sort of intimacy with another person. Infidelity can be emotional, mental, spiritual, etc. Keeping secrets is a big warning sign of inappropriate behavior. Calendar a time to discuss temptations and concerns.
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