Jennifer Johnston-Jones, PhD
Reconcile our differences
Congratulations on your marriage. You’re still married but your friends are divorcing. Isn’t it sad? You know, all sorts of issues will come up. Should you still be friends with them? Should you hang out with this one, not this that one? Will you go out together separately? Will the husband hand out with the male and the wife hang out with the female? None of that really matters. What really matters is it’s an opportunity to examine your relationship.
It’s true. It is really much more than a statistic. Fifty percent of your friends will get divorced. You can be one of them or you cannot be one of those statistics. In order to not be one of those statistics, the best thing you can do is every time the thought occur, your fear comes up, vulnerability comes up, you feel angry towards your spouse, it’s a motivation. Harness that. Bring that in.
Is this what you might be thinking:
- “Oh, god, look what happened to them. Honey, let’s not have that happen to us. Let’s connect. What was their main issue? They were never having sex. Oh, god, that’s what got them divorced? Okay, let’s have sex tomorrow?”
- “What was their main issue? They weren’t communicating. Let’s communicate more.”
- “What was their main issue? They put the children before their own marriage. Let’s put ourselves first before the children.”
There’s a lesson to be learned in each and every divorce. And whether you want to remain friends or not, that’s completely up to you. I do recommend though not getting involved in any of the business. No he-said, she-said. No talking about this person. And it’s gonna be very tempting to gossip, but if you want to maintain a friendship, you can just nip that in the bud. Ultimately, bottom line, it’s an opportunity for your relationship to grow.
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