Mark Goulston, M.D.
Get spouse to try something new
If your partner is resistant to the idea of joining a relationship site, posit it to them in the form of a favor. They can refuse, but if they join the site with you, then you are willing to do a favor for them in return.
What can I do to get my spouse to try something new? You’re the spouse who’s joined Twoology.com for happier couples, and you would like all the resources you’re discovering to really be utilized in your relationship. You really think that it would benefit your relationship if you could just get your spouse to participate and not resist it. So, what can you do?
This is how you frame it: You say your reluctant spouse, “I have a favor to ask you that you can say yes to or you can say no to. But my request is this: If you say no to it, I don’t want you telling me why. I’ll just respect your answer.” Controlling people hate that. Then continue, “And if you say yes to it, which would mean a lot to me, I’d like you to come up with a favor that I can do for you to reciprocate. Because I know that what I’m asking you to do is something that initially doesn’t come naturally to you. But, I’m asking it of you, because I think it’s something that we can both benefit from.”
More from Dr Goulston.: “You don’t win on the strength of your argument. You win on the strength of your relationship. What we hear over and over again is this: “When I stopped trying to convince her and instead focused on listening to his point of view and respecting it, the resistance just disappeared. It happened so fast it felt like magic!”
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