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Mark Goulston, M.D.

How can I avoid self-sabotaging my relationship

In this Twoology video, relationship expert, Mark Goulston, M.D., says if you want to avoid self-sabotage, don’t jump to conclusions. Before you go in to confront your partner, make sure that you have your facts correct. Humans have a tendency to assume the worst. When it comes to disagreements, that means that we automatically assume the worst about our partner. To avoid this, stop yourself from flying off the handle, and think calmly and clearly about the best way to handle a confrontational situation. You can keep a bad situation from becoming worse.

How can I avoid self-sabotaging my relationship?  Marriages are presumed dead. What that means is that when you race ahead to presume things about your partner before you find out all the facts, when you jump to conclusions without getting all the information first, your partner can feel cornered, pinned down, misunderstood, and emotionally abused.

So, before you go in to potentially sabotage your intimate relationship and jump in to confront your partner, make sure that you have your facts correct. Also, a good exercise to save yourself when you’re upset with your partner, especially when you’re just hot off something that really ticked you off, is to think of the first thing you want to say or do and don’t say or do that. Think of the second thing you want say or do and don’t do that. Then, think of the third thing you want to say or do and do that.

The reason for that is that the first thing you want to say or do to your partner after they’ve upset you is want to protect yourself. You want to cover yourself. The second thing that you want to say or do is to retaliate and get even with them. And, if you can let those pass, the third thing you want to say or do is working towards a solution.

So, if you follow those three steps and think of it as three strikes and you’re in, you can keep a lot of bad situations from becoming worst as well as keep from self-sabotaging your most important intimate relationship.

In summary, if you want to avoid self-sabotaging, don’t jump to conclusions. Before you go in to confront your partner, make sure that you have your facts correct. Humans have a tendency to assume the worst. When it comes to disagreements, that means that we automatically assume the worst about our partner. To avoid this, stop yourself from flying off the handle, and think calmly and clearly about the best way to handle a confrontational situation.Actively work to remain calm during disagreements. Relationships come with expectations.Twoology.com helps couples fulfill them. Invest in your relationship at Twoology.com for communication help, expert marriage advice, relationship tools for couples, problem solving skills, romantic help guides.

By Twoology

Copyright – 2013-14 – Tunomi Unlimited Incorporated (Twoology)

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