ROMANTIC ACTIONS TO RAISE JEWISH KIDS AND STILL LIVE HAPPIER EVER AFTER
- If you’ve committed to raise Jewish kids and still live happier ever after, you must start with appreciation. Appreciate and acknowledge each other in front of others: your kids, family, co-workers, associates, friends both in private and in public. “Treasure each other in the recognition that we do not know how long we shall have each other.” ( Joshua Loth Liebman) “People who are grateful] really are more optimistic, more apt to help others, more joyful and genuinely healthier.” (Deborah Norville, journalist)
Blame and back to basics
- Be careful where you lay blame and practice being kind rather than being right. “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)
- Remember what made your heart race when you first met. Was it a moonlit walk, a dance underneath the stars, or a bonfire by the beach? Take the time to recreate those carefree, sexy days. Watch the sparks fly as you sit back and relax to the tune of more simple times. Remember the delightfully excruciating sensation of unbuttoning a shirt or blouse one sweet step at a time. Move slowly and patiently, taking the evening as though it’s your first time all over again. Take the pressure off the end goal as you find the delight in kissing the nape of her neck. Enjoy knowing you can make him melt with the tender touch of your hands upon his back. Linger at the sweet spots, the ones that you may have forgotten over time. Find the undiscovered sweet spots, and relish the delight of feeling that you know how to please your spouse in the most wonderful of ways.
- Communicate honestly, directly, and often–even if it has to be through emails, notes, or phone messages. If you must criticize, do it lovingly. Be honest and direct with feelings and needs instead of keeping things to yourselves. Avoid placing blame on each other and will acknowledge mistakes and take responsibility accordingly. “Silence is a fence around wisdom.“ (Pirke Avot 3:16) Honest and eager lines of communication will help you to sustain a strong emotional bond. “The one who controls one’s words knows something, and the one who is dispassionate is a person of understanding.” (Proverbs 12:8)
- Face it, to raise Jewish kids and still live happier ever after is a challenge. Not one of us is perfect, and every couple deals with difficulties. “According to the difficulty is the reward.“ (Pirke Avot 5:26) It is through these tough times that you can grow stronger as a duo. Pick your battles wisely. Most importantly, decide to argue less and learn to compromise. “A soft answer removes rage, while a hurtful word increases ire.” (Proverbs 15:1)
- Relationships are complicated and come with expectations. “Treat no one lightly and think nothing is useless, for everyone has one’s moment and everything has its place.“ (Pirke Avot 4:3) Communicate your expectations clearly. Create time to articulate your shared relationship goals and dreams. Your goals need to be positively stated , they need to be action oriented, and break them down into small doable steps – things that you can accomplish in about a week or two. There’s nothing that breeds success like success. Give more than you expect for more satisfaction.
Forgive and forget
- Forgiving a partner who has wronged you is never easy. It’s very hard to let the anguish and the anger go. But if you are committed to continuing to build a relationship with this person, you must find a way to make room in your heart for them once more. “We achieve inner health only through forgiveness – the forgiveness not only of others but also of ourselves” (Joshua Loth Liebman) Granting forgiveness is a definitive act that can help lift the burden of guilt from your partner, and erase some of the anger and hurt for you. “Answering before hearing is foolish and shameful.” (proverbs 18:13)
- Your mate has a deep need for you to feel appreciated. Develop an attitude of grateful thankfulness and appreciation. When you do this you will be view your mate with more positive eyes, lead to increased feelings of love, compassion and generosity. “I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.” (Ephesians 1:16) And, “Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart.” ( Seneca)
Happier ever after
- Yes, you can raise Jewish kids and still live happier ever after! Lighten up and be happy. “Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.” ( H. Schachtel) As Mr. Big said in Sex in the City, “After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh.” Take time to bring laughter and play into your relationship. Learn to laugh at yourself and at life. Rashi said, “A help to match him.” At times she shall be a help to him; at other times she shall be a match to confront him.” (Genesis 2:18) “Every person in every marriage should wake up every day and say to themselves, ‘This is a choice. I choose to be married and happy.’ Then, choose to be proactive and not take it for granted” (Cindy Ullman)
- Recall the positive feelings you had when you were dating and newly married. Use this when you need a zap of “partner inspiration.” From the Song of Songs, “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is strong as death…Its flashes are flashes of fire, an enormous flame. Streams of water can’t extinguish love, nor can rivers sweep it away.“ (Song of Songs 8:6-7)
- Accept your humanness. Accept your mate’s humanness. You are not judge and jury. Treat each other without harsh judgment. Be careful where you lay blame and practice being kind rather than being right.
- Kiss more. Kiss longer. Kiss meaningfully. Kiss each other all over.
- Truly listen. Listen without interrupting as a way to validate each other’s perspectives on issues and to improve communication. Be curious about your mate. Ask questions that help you understand what makes them feel happy, sad, frightened, angry, puzzled, proud, sexy, etc…
- True spiritual partners strive to support one another. Notice the “little things” and acknowledge of these things as a way to keep giving each other positive strokes. Be attentive to recognizing the commitment, courage, compassion, and conscious communications and actions of one another. None of this is possible to raise Jewish kids and still live happier ever after if you’re not vigilantly mindful.
- Create opportunities to nurture your mate and your relationship. “One who loves his wife as himself, and who respects her even more than himself and teaches his children the right way, will have peace in his home.” (Talmud, Yevamot 62b)
- Make magic out of the ordinary with your partner. Life is not meant to be just endured; it is yours to enjoy: emotional, physical, sensual, sexual, spiritual: across your inner and outer self. Find a hobby or interest you can share. Schedule time to regularly enjoy this interest together.
- Remember that you are in this partnership for the long term. Spiritual partnership and intimacy is sacred. “Two are better than one, for they shall have a good reward for their toil. If one falls, the other can help him [or her] get up. If he [or she] had been alone when falling, the other would not be able to help him [or her] get up. If two lie together, they shall be warm, but how can one alone be warm?” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-1)
- Learn the fine art of tolerance. Be careful where you lay blame and practice being kind rather than being right. “No one is ever born perfected in every virtue or corrupted by every vice.” (Maimonides, Shemoneh Perakim 8:1) And from Proverbs we learn, “One who lacks sense would have contempt for one’s neighbor, while a discerning person would be silent.“ (proverbs 11:12)
- Don’t allow yourself to get stuck in a rut. Re-romance. Re-ignite. Re-invigorate. Rejuvenate. Remember to make each day a new beginning. Pray for guidance.
- Nothing is as sexy as a lover who looks and feels hot. Work on loving your unique body by taking care of it. Good self-care brings inner confidence and glow that helps get you in touch with your sexual self. “When engaging in the sexual act, begin by speaking in a manner that will draw the other to you, calm the other’s spirits, and bring joy. Thus your minds will be bound with one another, and your intentions will unite.“ (Iggeret Hakodesh 6 ) And, “Rabbi Joshua ben Levi said: “If a husband knows his wife desires him and he refuses her, this is a sin.” ( Talmud, Yevamot 62b)
- Your greatest asset—is your relationship with your spouse. Invest in that relationship. Keep it strong. Make it tender. Make it wild and sizzling hot.. Twoology helps you fulfill your desires by helping you be more intentional.
- Unplug from electronics and technology for at least one hour/day. Scale back distractions and use the quiet moments of sacred space you have to be together. Use this time to be attentive and dialogue on a daily basis that keeps you centered on each other. Focus on your intimate relationship.
- Validation is an overlooked component if you expect to raise Jewish kids and still live happier ever after. Mutual respect for your Us-ness. Share your admiration for each other, and steady undercurrent of love and trust throughout your relationship. Surprise each other with simple affirmations of your love and like for each other: flowers sent to the office, a text message, a love note in a briefcase, message on the bathroom mirror, message in their sock drawer. God intentionally made men and women different both inside and out and the adventure of discovering your spouse’s unique qualities and characteristics brings a great deal of joy to marriage. ”God created Eve to do what Adam could not do by Himself. That’s why God designed the marriage relationship. Husband and wife both need each other.”
- Continue to Woo your mate as if you were still dating. “The Sages have likewise ordained that a man should honor his wife more than his own self, and love her as himself…They have likewise ordained that the wife should honor her husband exceedingly and hold him in awe.” (Maimonides Hilchot Ishut 15:19-20)
- Release your inhibitions. Initiate sex more often. Share and indulge each others fantasies and desires. Turn lackadaisical lovemaking on it’s side and shake it up by moving from your traditional comfort zone by trying something different. “When engaging in the sexual act, begin by speaking in a manner that will draw the other to you, calm the other’s spirits, and bring joy. Thus your minds will be bound with one another, and your intentions will unite.” (Iggeret Hakodesh 6)
- When your mate needs you always say yes. “I will betroth you to me forever: I will betroth you to me in righteousness, justice, devotion, and compassion, and I will betroth you to me in faithfulness.” (Hosea 2:21-22)
- Make a plan and a pact to ignite your love life now and in the years to come. “It is the practice of the disciples of the wise to have conjugal relations each Friday night.” (Maimonides, Hilchot Ishut 14:1) Sensual, erotic words are powerful sex toys. Use your mouth to whisper your desires to your mate. Find the words and phrases that help your mate moan and use them with passion and delight. “One who loves one’s [spouse] as one’s own person, honors the other as one’s own person… “You will know that all is well in your tent” (Job 5:24)
- Continue to foster and sustain your marriage especially once you have kids. Being more mindful and intentional about identifying and doing small actions daily that help your spouse know you love, desire, appreciate, respect and cherish them. .”Tracht gut vet zein gut” Yiddish saying, if you think positive thoughts, it will be positive. Remember this advice, “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.“ ( Mignon McLaughlin) And what Martin Luther King said, “We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.”
Copyright – 2013-14 – Tunomi Unlimited Incorporated (Twoology)