ROMANTIC ACTIONS TO IMPROVE IN-LAW RELATIONS
1. Bathroom excuse (a “quick fix”)
Here’s something that can both help you improve your in-law relations, as well as avoid pissing off your spouse because you might have done something you can’t take back: Tired of listening or talking to an in-law or friend? Excuse yourself to the bathroom. This gives you some breathing room and you can collect yourself before returning. It also gives you the opportunity to talk to someone else upon your return.
2 . Approach them first
You can definitely improve your in-law relations by being on your best behavior and making a big move towards better communication. Usually, you try to avoid the in-law or friend. Instead, be the first to greet them. Start asking questions; pretend you’re them and do what they normally do to you. This way, you’ll have the upper hand.
3. Lunch, coffee or tea?
Invite your in-law or friend for an outing if you’re looking for a proven way to improve in-law relations. Ask questions to learn more about how they think and what’s important to them. You might change your perspective and understand them better.
4. Be direct (but, gentle)
If you’re not in the mood to talk, tell them…in a nice way. For example, “I’m going through a rough time right now and I just can’t talk about it. I hope you understand.” Or, “I’m not feeling so great today. I hope you won’t be offended if I’m not up to talking.”
5. Re-direct or involve others
Yes, you can expand your resources to improve in-law relations by getting one or more people involved. The more, the merrier. Listen for a break in your conversation with your in-law or friend and say, “I know who would love to talk to you about that, let’s go join Paul or Stacy.” This way, you won’t feel “stuck” and can have a good time too. The caveat here is that you are now subjecting yourselves to being judged up-close and personal by that many more people.
6. Talk to your spouse first
Choose a time when you can have a productive conversation with your partner about the in-law or friend. Make sure not to “attack” the person you’re talking about. Discuss possible solutions. Take this route only if you feel your partner can help you.
7. Write a letter or e-mail
Feel you communicate better via writing? Draft the letter first and proofread several times. Choose your words wisely as they can be misconstrued. Write about how you’re feeling, not how the person makes you feel; e.g., “Lately, I’ve been under a lot of stress,” or “I get anxious in big crowds.” Since you’re serious to improve your in-law relations do not send your letter for at least 24 hours after you’ve completed it. You need this time to gain more perspective and not act rashly.
8. Ask for space or a heads up
Have an in-law or friend who’s always calling or coming over? Take the time to have a nice conversation with them. At the end of your conversation, say, “I really enjoyed this time with you. Unfortunately, this week will be hectic for me. Can I let you know the next time I’m free?” Or, “Can you call before coming over? Just in case I’m walking around naked.”
9. Observe your in-law or friend
When you get the chance, watch your in-law or friend. Do other people enjoy talking to them? Ask others (those you know well) what they think of so-and-so. Don’t offer your negative opinion; just look and listen. You might learn something new.
Ask yourself, what is it you don’t like about the person – too chatty, too intrusive, too rude, too what? Then take a step back. Are you judging? Why? It is healthy to question your perspective from time to time.
11. Deal with hurt feelings
Respond in an empathetic, respectful, productive way, and keeps overt nastiness out of the conversation.
- Awareness of judgments. Self-control, self-reflection and a change in perspective. Anticipation and re-planning works best. Self-control (can’t get enough of that here!) When you’re sincere about how to improve in-law relations, the most vital thing you need is emotional maturity.
- Yes, you want to improve in-law relations. Just remember that you might be a meaningful part of the current friction, and without honestly confronting that, you’re going to drag into the future whatever you’ve got right now. Accept that your in-laws, with all their flaws are a part of your life. Learn to compromise instead of putting your mate in the middle having to defend their parents. Practice these suggestions with all family members and friends. Foster a different perspective for each person.
Copyright – 2013-14 – Tunomi Unlimited Incorporated (Twoology)